I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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