That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
