It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Randomize
