The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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