I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
