3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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