There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
