when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
