Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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