You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
you didnt know i had herpes?
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Are my feet made of real feet?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
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When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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