The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
