So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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