she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Your topless pictures make me question reality
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
