I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Small penises have feelings too.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
