think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
