Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
