why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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