WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
