idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
