I smell stomach acid.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
this hospital has no fireball
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Randomize
