rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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