4 words: hood of his car
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
