I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
