FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
