I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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