i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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