yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
