just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
