My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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