he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
