I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
