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I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
