she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
