I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
