I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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