I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
