I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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