we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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