it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
