No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He called his prostate his "boner button".
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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