I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
