So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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