What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
my being single is dangerous.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
