Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
