so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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