she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
