I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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