I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
