I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
