i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
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Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
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Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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