so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
