i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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