last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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