i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
