I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
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