do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I've blown a few things in my day
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You're like the curious george of whores
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
