there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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