fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
