nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
