the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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