none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
