My nipple is on Facebook.
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
