Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
