i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
