I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
