You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
