Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
