i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
