i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Dick very happy bro
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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