Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Someone shit on the floor
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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