hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
